finally posted

dilema panjang . tentang hidup dan mati . tentang ingin tapi tak bisa . tentang bahagia dan tangis . tentang ingin berbagi tapi tak punya tempat . tentang isi dan kosong .

tentang nikmat dan sakit . tentang melanjutkan atau menghentikan .suram . tapi titik baliknya disitu .

draft ini sudah terlalu lama . objeknya? cuma saya yg tau . karena dia pernah ada , tapi sudah tidak lagi semenjak setahun yang lalu . maafkan saya ya .

L

mmm what should I call it? 

sometimes I hate it, sometimes I just feel nothing about it. Sekali2 boleh lah. Karna butuh banget boleh lah. tapi ngga keseringan juga kali hey. Looking for shoes, clothes, present, almost everything, you choose him to go with you. Don't you have any other girls? Do you only can ask him?

Well, gw kenal baik, kalo ketemu pun baik2 aja. I WAS hate her, tapi sekarang udah ngga. Tepatnya udah semenjak beberapa (banyak) waktu yang lalu sudah tidak sama sekali. But please, kalo kaya gini caranya mah lama2 gw bisa kesel beneran. But just like usual, I just keep it secretly, just share it to few people since I can't hold my anger alone. Bahkan sekarang pun kalo gw bilang dia sedang pergi lagi as I hated, temen gw cuma ngetawain, nyabar2in. hahaha. I was excited to ask about your trip with him, but now, don't ever expect me to do that. I'm not interested at all about what are you looking for, where are you guys will going, what will you buy etc etc. Just boost my anger :(

should I call it jealous? feels ridiculous. 
Is it jealous? I don't know. 
I just hate it. Because he always excited to do something with you. always suddenly.
 I just hate it. Because I know that you are his best friends.
I hate it. Because there's always you in pictures that he took.

I just hate it. 
Yes I hate it, not hate you.

should I mention your name? hahaha no, I'm not that cruel, darl.
just enjoy it as long as you can and as long as I can keep my anger, L.  
just remember, don't make me hate you. please :(